I gotta put this out there. It’s been on my heart for a year now. I’ve been angry with God. In fact, I was for 6 years after my parents divorced. I’d prayed for healing of their marriage my entire senior year of college without abandon. I was taught those that trust in the Lord, pray unwaveringly, and love Him, He answers the cries of His people. So why wasn’t my cry heard? Where was He? Why me? Why my family? If you met me in Dallas, it’s been a safe assumption I didn’t go to church. Because I didn’t. I was angry. I was hurt. I chose my way over all others, because if not me taking care of what I thought I wanted, no one was going to. I mean, God had ignored and forsaken me. Right? I only have me to look to then. I’m not going to say I had this hyper-spiritual moment where something so miraculous happened for me to see I’ve needed God in my life, because I didn’t. I’ve worked through my feelings of hurt for 6 years. I’ve learned so much about myself during that time. I have grown tremendously. I have become a better, more loving, more patient, and more understanding Kara. I needed to run from Him so that when that little pull inside my heart saying, “something is missing. You are still not Whole on your own,” began creeping back a year ago, I would know it was Him, just as the breeze brushes my cheek, making His Presence known ever so gently, calling His child home. It was so I would know and fully understand He had never left me. He had never forsaken me. He was showing me an unfailing Grace, an overwhelming Love, and unimaginable Forgiveness that I had never craved like I have within the last year, because of my time away from His Goodness. Where my feet have failed, God has guided me, even in my unknowing. When I made myself righteous, He has forgiven me. Just as scripture says, a Father’s Love for His children is unwavering, even when they run, and even more abundant and awesome when they return to His arms. You might not agree with all my beliefs, and that’s okay. But I can say, undoubtedly, there is more outside of myself that I can’t explain but know it and have experienced it. And I can say, undoubtedly, it. Is. Good.
It’s a weird place, the realm of social media. And I’ve unexpectedly found my place in it. Before you read any further, or jump to the conclusion that this is a “Thank you for X amount of followers” post, I’ll stop you. It isn’t. It’s simply to expose “me” to those of you who may have preconceived notions about who “me” is. The very fact I feel pulled to vindicate my humanness on a social media post is telling, but real nonetheless. So, together, you and I have found ourselves here. I’m not rich. I’m a nurse. I’m 28. Single, and I live a pretty average day to day in the grand scheme of things. My parents divorced when I was 22, and my sister is apart of the LGBTQ+ community, whom I proudly and feverishly stand behind. Growing up, I defaulted in with the “cool” kids because I was an athlete, but I never felt I fit in. I’ve felt the pull of love and the depths of heartache. I am Christian, and love the Lord, and through His Grace have been shown forgiveness. I love music, creativeness, art, and uniqueness. I’ve had my nose pierced 4 different times, and have a grand total of 8 tattoos. I value genuineness and the experience of human connection. I am incredibly flawed, can be insecure, but have found and know my worth. I know my beliefs and am not afraid to stand by them, nor afraid to use my voice to do so. I love the idea of a strong female presence, but treasure and understand the traditional place of submission (touchy subject, but I’m also one who loves open conversations to see, hear, and understand perspectives and opinions of others that may differ from me 😉). Social media has little to no influence on my actual life, but I recognize I have a platform, though small, to stand tall and say, “you are worthy. You are loved. You are good enough, and I only hope to help you see the goodness and beauty of who YOU are.” And that is all I’ll ever use it for. Social media is like a game show offering you doors 1, 2, or 3 to choose from, and I happened to guess the right one through a couple of hashtags. Yeah, there’s a lot of BS on here. Plenty of people use this app to boost their self esteem, *cont’d 👇🏼*
Don’t look like dis right meow, actually heading into work brb hehe #hahahayesimakemyselflaugh
Currently 20lbs ^ from the pic on da left 👀 my ideal is about 10lbs less; however, in comparison to the girl on the left, I would not *then* have been able to say I feel and consistently remain confident with where my body currently sits like I can *now.* All ebb and flow, my peeps. All ebb and flow. 🧡👀💪🏼
Today’s sermon left me asking, “your cup may be full, but what are you filling it with and pouring into others?” With it being the New Year, resolutions abound, and like most, I’ve found myself wondering what it is I want to set as my 2020 resolution(s). Today’s message gave me my answer— my cup overflows, but even so, am I allowing it to be filled with Love, Joy, and Kindness that reflects my truest convictions and beliefs? The end of 2019, I found myself more often than I’d liked, convicted by a sharp tongue, with an internal struggle with my words and actions not reflecting what I hold as core values: Grace, Love, Kindness, Forgiveness, and Faith. 2020, I am going to work to put into practice what I preach, to be more patient, to be kinder hearted, and to be a better reflection of Love. I only share this to challenge myself to simply be better, and to challenge you to reflect on what your cup is currently filled with, and whether or not it’s Life Giving. If we want to experience Love, we must reflect Love. If we want to see Kindness, we must practice Kindness. If we want Forgiveness and Grace, we must extend them first to others. For any of these things to exist, we must put them into practice. So, I challenge you to ask yourself, along with me, what’s your cup filled with, and is it in alignment with what you hope to be and show to others?
Here’s a pic that might look the same as the last one I posted, but it’s not. Also posting as it’s the most recent one taken because I’ve been sick with a cold for 1-3 weeks (it acted like it was out the door for a week there, but came back with vengeance). 99.9% sure I’m on my deathbed. So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, adieu. To those whom are closest to me, I love you. To the rest of ya’s that I don’t know, the Lord loves you and I wish you well. As a collective group, however, please remember me fondly. 😩😂 But seriously, Day/Nightquil have become my best friends, Netflix my only company, Powerade, Emergen-c, and the occasional soup n crackers my only nutritional source, and cough drops my dessert. SOS. Plz. Help.